Central Valley Classic Cars

This is a disappointing day.

I WAS going to write a cleverly bantering article about how much I dislike Porsches, using every turn, rub, and joke I’ve picked up in my years of being a fan of all things British. And I know some good ones. But to keep it fun I would also be admitting Porsche’s achievements (and the fact that they don’t use Lucas electronics) in their sports cars and was planing on topping the whole thing off with the announcement that despite all that I had just written, my new car was going to be a Boxster.

See that’s what I had planned. That was before I visited a bay area dealer ready, to trade in my XK8 and drive home in something smaller, lighter, sportier, and with the engine in that ever exotic location: the middle. What happened there changed everything. I knew I would only be getting a few thousand for my beautiful Jag despite how meticulously (and expensively) I had maintained it. And I knew the Boxster I’d be buying would be in a noticeably used condition. I wanted it that way. I wanted a car I didn’t worry about all the time.

Then I test drove it.

Nothing struck me about it, other than the poor visibility due to the dealer’s stickers on the windshield (but the car can’t be faulted for that). It drove well. But that was it. It just drove well. Yes it was nimble and had a tight turning radius but I do quite well with my longer Jag already. It was fairly fast too but that was the first real problem. I was getting on it in third gear and thought, ‘this car just isn’t fast.’ Then I looked down at the speedometer and realized I had passed the speed limit a while ago and didn’t realize it. That was not what I was looking for. I want a car that is fun. This means that it feels fast even when its not going fast. The Boxster was already going faster than it felt and I was not being entertained. My Jag has more punch than this car had. The numbers are close on the 0-60 times but the Jag, even with its weight penalty, kicks you back in the seat more when you get on it.

As this “fun” factor dissolved, two more problems became apparent.

Its important that you understand that last sentence. What I’m looking for is a car that is so fun I don’t notice its obvious short-comings. And a Boxster has definite short-comings. First thing I noticed was the interior. I’m sure compared to a lot of cars, a Boxster is fine, with its leather seats and what not. But compared to the sculpted wood and plush leather of the Jag, the Boxster was a simple bucket with seats and some scraps of leather glues in, all dyed the exact same shade of black so it looks even less interesting than it is. Now I know sports cars are supposed to have purposeful interiors, but as a sports car, it wasn’t tickling my fancy enough for me to say, ‘Forget this beautiful Jag I own, I want this German tub.’

Then there was that word I hate. Practicality. And for the first time in my life I was swayed by it. If I drove the Boxster as my car I would never be able tp carry a guitar and my wife at the same time. This is an even bigger problem when you realize that the last time I played a gig I had three guitars with me all set to different tunings. There’d be none of that if I had the Boxster. I’d give all that up for a serious dose of fun. Except the Boxster just wasn’t quite fun enough.

I could still rationalize getting one, and I wouldn’t criticize anyone buying one. But my problem is I have this Jag, that after test driving the Porsche, I’d be hard pressed to give up in an even trade. But this wasn’t an even trade. I’d be trading in the Jag and then paying 10 grand for the Porsche.

Deals off.

My Jag is no longer for sale, and I’m left without a dream to pursue at the moment. Its a little depressing for me; I was really excited about getting a new car. The money in my bank account though is helping sooth that pain (and I won’t have to deal with that whole pronunciation’s dillema; Porsch vs Porsch-Ah.

Maybe in a few years I can get a Boxster S. I hear they’re loads more fun. Or maybe I can get a Lotus Elise or some replica of an old race car. Two things have occurred to me that would make one of those purchases play out. One is that in a few more years, I may be able to buy a very used Boxster or even Boxster S for under ten thousand (quite possibly WAY under). Then I could buy one just to play with and forget any notion of it being a useful car.

Two. The Jag could die on me.

I’m hoping for the first one.

Ben

PS: Porsche still sucks, thhhhhhbt.